Gulp. One of my writer pals pointed out that I am committing a grammatical faux pas on a regular basis in my work. I am using "ing" phrases incorrectly. While these phrases imply simultaneous actions, the way I employ them makes the action impossible. I hadn’t even realized I was culpable of such a grievous misdemeanor. None of my editors have pointed out this flaw to me, nor did the members of my bimonthly critique group. How had this foible slipped past us all?

As I am doing edits for my futuristic romance, I seek to eliminate this glaring evidence of my crime. Here are some examples from this story along with my corrections. Look for these phrases in your manuscript. Quick, check for them now, before the Grammar Police get you!

Turning off the water, Silver pushed the button for the drying vents.

Silver turned off the water then pushed the button for the drying vents.

Jumping to his feet, he sauntered over.

He jumped to his feet and sauntered over.

Grabbing her sack from the floor, she slung it over her shoulder.

She grabbed her sack from the floor and slung it over her shoulder.

Closing in on her apartment complex, she slipped into a stream of other night owls prowling the streets.

As they neared her apartment complex, she slipped into a stream of other night owls prowling the streets.

Dodging around the corners of skyscrapers, she plunged in and out of geometrically designed avenues.

She plunged her scooter up and down geometrically designed avenues and looped around skyscrapers.

Peering over her shoulder to check for signs of pursuit, she narrowly missed the dive-bombing aircar.

Intent on checking over her shoulder for signs of pursuit, she narrowly missed a dive-bombing aircar.

Jerking her body, she righted herself and swooped north just in time to avoid hitting a flyby night train.

With a lurch, she righted herself and swooped north just in time to avoid hitting a flyby night train.

Spotting her apartment building, she zoomed in for a landing at the rooftop pool.

Her apartment building loomed into sight. She glided in for a landing at the rooftop pool.

Descending an interior stairway, she paused at the landing to her floor and cracked open the door.

After descending an interior stairway, she paused at the landing to her floor and cracked open the door.

Motioning to Jace to follow silently, she crept toward her [apartment] number.

She motioned for Jace to follow then crept forward.

Thrusting Silver aside, he stalked into the block of space she called home.

He thrust Silver aside and stalked into the block of space she called home.

Opening the window with a grunt, she leaned outside.

With a grunt, she opened the window and leaned outside.

Flinging the door wide, she stepped inside the darkened interior.

She flung the door wide and stepped inside the darkened interior.

****

CONGRATULATION to Suzy Roy who won my weekend newsletter signup contest!

 

Yikes! We didn't point it out because we're all guilty of it! And no editor has ever remarked on it in my case either. But I've taken the same advice lately and have been editing these from my own writing. It's never too late to learn!

Nancy, I do the same thing :( YIKES

This was something an editor pointed out at my very first writer's conference. She said if you had more than 3 "ing" constructions in your 5 page submission sample, it was an automatic reject. She said it was just too easy to use that construction wrong, either via the misplaced modifier (of which I believe I am the Queen, having created an answering machine that gives neck massages), or the simultaneous action goof. "Running across the campground, he dove into his tent." My former agent was also a stickler for catching these.

But -- the extreme lack of 'corrections' from editors would indicate that readers are unaware of the "rule" that these actions have to be taking place at the same time.

Every time I start a sentence or clause with an 'ing' construction, I check my modifiers and the action sequence. Or at least I try to remember to. But I think there are also times when the actions would "flow" into each other easily enough so it's clear to any reader that there's a logical sequence.

Laughing at the silliness of grammar rules, she bit her tongue to keep from commenting...

:)

I know an English teacher that writes and she freaks out when I tell her the ing thing. She swears it's correct grammar. She is not published and is very stubborn.

Lorena, I like your example!

Actually, some of these are perfectly fine because they describe actions that can be done simultaneously. While it is difficult or even impossible to shut off water and push buttons or both jump and saunter at the same time, one can easily have a near-miss while looking over one's shoulder or thrust someone to the side while stalking into a space. There is no hard-and-fast rule about this. Context is everything. (For what it's worth, I am both a published writer and an English teacher.)

I guess the lesson learned here is to be careful about these phrases. Some will work; some won't. At least we'll be more aware of them.

Hm, I do see this often in published books. I'll have to check to see if I do it. It's an awkward sentence structure to me so maybe I respond w/o really knowing it was a grammar rule.